It's important to recognize that trauma can manifest in subtle ways, and you don’t need to have experienced overt physical abuse or neglect to develop certain behavioral patterns that are often mistaken for normal coping mechanisms. These behaviors can be deeply rooted in past experiences and may indicate unresolved trauma. Let’s delve into a few common patterns that you or someone you know might exhibit, which could be signs of underlying trauma:
Rigid Routine Adherence: Sticking to a strict exercise or diet regimen might seem like a healthy habit, but it can also be a way of creating predictability in an unpredictable world. For some, this rigid structure is a coping mechanism, a way to maintain control and ensure safety. However, life is inherently unpredictable, and learning to embrace flexibility is essential for emotional well-being. 🦦
Freeze and Appease: People-pleasing often stems from childhood environments where maintaining harmony was a means of survival. As adults, individuals who default to pleasing others may find it challenging to express their own needs or dissenting opinions. This pattern of freezing in the face of conflict and appeasing others can leave one feeling unheard and unfulfilled. 🙊
Hyper-Independence: While self-reliance is often celebrated, hyper-independence can be a sign of trauma, particularly for those who had to navigate their challenges alone. This relentless need to handle everything by oneself can be a barrier to vulnerability and intimacy, making it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections with others. 👤
Walking Away: The instinct to flee rather than confront issues often traces back to a flight response rooted in anxiety and fear. When conflict or discomfort arises, rather than engaging and resolving the issue, individuals with this pattern may withdraw, avoiding the situation entirely. While this might provide temporary relief, it prevents the growth that comes from facing challenges head-on. 🚷
Keeping Busy: Constantly filling one’s schedule with activities can be a way to drown out the inner voices that emerge in moments of quiet. For some, stillness brings an unwelcome awareness of negative thinking. Instead of learning to quiet the mind, they keep busy to avoid the silence.
Does That Sound Like You?
If you resonate with the above here are a few actionable steps that you can take for each;
Rigid Routine Adherence: Before you begin your day, write down three tasks you wish to accomplish. Of those 3 tasks, circle the one that is of most importance to you. Complete that task, then allow yourself to be in the moment and "go with the flow".
Freeze and Appease: It is important to understand why you do it in the first place. Once you have accepted the root cause, you will need to put boundaries in place of what people can and can not ask of you. Often, people-pleasers are afraid that if they do not bend over backward for someone then this person might abandon or reject them.
Hyper-Independence: Asking for help is something we all struggle with, but it is important to remember that we do not have to go at it alone. If you find yourself consistently taking care of things solo, then it is time you learn how to build trust with others so you can lean on them a little more.
Walking Away: Facing an uncomfortable situation is, well...uncomfortable. You've conditioned yourself to believe you walk away because you "hate conflict". Stop telling yourself that. You walk away because you may not have the emotional tools to deal with the situation and that's okay! You can learn!
Keeping Busy: Instead of filling your calendar and barely catching a moment, dedicate 1 hour daily to yourself. This doesn't include completing a quiet task like folding laundry. It means truly allowing yourself to be in a quiet environment either reading a book, journaling, etc.
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